If you follow the news or read just blogs about international adoption , your views can easily become distorted because you're only seeing the side of adoption the agencies want you to see. I was fortunate to get to follow an adoption from start to finish and it wasn't a bowl of cherries depicted in most blogs. The adopting parent(s) had adopted before and knew the trauma the kids feel when they are removed from the only home they've ever known.
Can you imagine being taken away from the only world and people you've known, by people who speak a language you don't understand? Adoption is traumatic whether you have 47 chromosomes or the normal 46. It can be very scary to have strangers show up with gifts of food or toys and then rip you away from your home. Even though the Groupa, Orphanage or Institution isn't ideal, it's still the child's home.
I think the reason why I preferred certain adopting families over others was because the focus was on the child's well being and not their own. These families were aware of the special needs their child has and spent every available minute getting to know the child. But most importantly they took the time allowing the child to get to know them by doing so the trauma was at a lesser degree. Don't get me wrong it's still traumatic but the adopting families ease the trauma by slowly building trust. The new relationship between the "parents" and child isn't forced but gradually allowed to develop over days and weeks. The relationship was not based on daily bribes.
Following an adoption during months of paperwork has given me a new understanding and a bigger picture of the process involved. It's fascinating how little I knew until following this particular family. One thing I realized is some of the families spend less time shopping and decorating, there is less froo froo in the child's new room. The adopting parents familiarize themselves with the child's disability by speaking to specialists and other parents. They spend hours researching the disability and the disabilities associated with it. They speak with their local schools to find out what services are available. They learn the best way to help their child long after gotcha day and the trip home.
Once they get an actual referral based on the criteria they agreed to, they start to get a bigger picture where the child is developmentally and education wise especially if the child has a special need. Once the parent(s) meet and spend time with the child, they get the whole picture. They start slowly establishing trust with the child. Their focus when visiting the child was on the child and not the surroundings. The parents respected the rules and policies of the child's country. By following the rules it allowed more adoptions in the future for other families.
I feel privilege to read about an adoption that wasn't all gummy bears and rainbows. They went into the adoption with realistic expectations or goals and not based on a fantasy.
No comments:
Post a Comment