My final Adoption Blog also known as my least favorite mom

My last official rant on this subject unless one of the many blogs inspire me or plain piss me off. The biggest rant for a family who should not adopt goes to...screech .
To be fair I will refer to the adopting mom as Screech. If you recognize the adoption or if it's you, I do not apologize. During the adoption process you were selfish, & inconsiderate.

One of the earlier blogs I followed I came across a name constantly following other adoptions with enthusiasm and then noticed she committed to an orphan in Ukraine. This was before my thoughts became jaded on international adoption, the corrosion began here.....

I started following the adoption long after it was finalized...

Keep in mind she contributed 0% out of 100% . Her contribution towards the adoption besides completing the paperwork (which donations paid for), appostile (completely paid for by donations) and travel (yep you guessed it) was screeching online daily her child would die unless she gets the funds.
Others raised the money for her, pretty much paid her living expense in Ukraine. Food, lodging, transportation and adoption. Her contribution was daily screeching online and an occassion nesting blog. She contributed 0% in raising funds.

Well she gets to Ukraine and bitches about accommodations, other than finding a McDONALD'S she doesn't eat at first. Her blogs are about her hardship. She visits the child and the adoption goes through a bit later. Her hubby returns home. She complains she won't have the money to visit her child during the 10 day wait because she can't afford a translator. Or a driver.

My thoughts on this.... You been in country XX days visiting a non speaking child? Why do you need a translator again? This time should be used for bonding!!!  Poor Screech. No poor kid you adopted!
As for having a private driver on a daily basis , get over it. Over half of the blogs I've read PAP also used alternative transportation. The metro, bus, cab or walked. It depends on the region but other families adopting took the time to use public transportation. By doing so the families saved money and visited their child .

During the 10 day wait she checked out of a reasonably  priced place and checked into a 5 star hotel and visited her child 0 times in the 10 days plus a few more days. The newly adopted child seen mommy 0 times in 2 weeks...the mother was in country.

My thoughts....a lot of parents who stayed in country found ways to save money and continued with daily visits. Most downgraded lodging or shared rent and ate in , they walked to visits when they could or shared cabs.

She screeched for months that her child was in danger, being neglected or would die. After adoption was approved she didn't mention or visit the child. The concern she showed for the child  left me speechless. Oh well I wonder if CPS has visited yet?

In the end a deserving child got a home. Too bad it was with Screech

Another set of parents visited their new son in Bulgaria and found out there was 2 others with DS in the orphanage. The parents had not terminated their rights because they were holding out hope that  fixing the babies heart will fix things. They American mom basically thinks these moms should just give up.

How dare you deny them hope. In a way God may be leading them to try to keep their child. Maybe they feel they cannot afford the operation to fix the VSD or ASD. Maybe once it happens or heals itself they will take their child home.Bulgaria doesn't have Medicaid or organizations to help them . Maybe they feel this is the only way to get help for the child.

God is probably leading them to keep their child, and they obviously love her or her to not give up. Shame on you . Until God speaks to their hearts this is their decision to make.

I want to commend the Orphanage for not allowing photos to be taken of orphans during this visit. Obviously this worker respects the privacy  by not allowing other orphans to be touched or photographed.

On a unrelated blog one family still doesn't have the money to bring their boys home 2 1/2 months later. They were their legal kids in December. It's irresponsible to try to adopt without being funded. Her sons still wait.

Funding adoptions

I'm sure this post will piss people off but It's just a thought.
Why is donating to adoptions tax deductible? Since this money is donated to individual families, is the family an individual charity or church??

Usually not for profit organizations is tax deductible such as charity.

Another thought if the funding for an adoption is provided by others why is the IRS allowing the adoption tax credit? If you fund half the adoption your credit should be half. If others fund 100% , you should not be eligible.

Older People Adopting

Is it a good thing for people with grandchildren to adopt international SN kids?? Infants? Adolescents?  Teens?

Several older adopting parents, 40-45 years old (I'm 41) , when getting their official referrals wanted referrals for older kids. They chose the age group they would be comfortable with. Their own age and general health plays a big part on the age of the children they wish to adopt. Typically a woman in her 40s would have a teenager or older child, not an infant. Or just some adopting parents don't want to be dealing with kids in diapers .

I've read blogs of parents in theirs 50's adopting toddlers, even some closer to 60 adopting. Should age matter?

My stepmother and Dad raised one of my nieces, dad was 54 and b was 64 when M moved in with them. B died when M was 17. M is a good kid she will graduate in May from High School with 2 years of college already done. A top 10 university has offered her an awesome scholarship to complete her education. So was she harmed by being raised with older guardians?

I think whether or not older parents adopt should depend on their general health but some conditions are unpredictable as we all know.

*Giggles*

I'm fascinated by the disregard and disrespect Americans show other cultures. I am in no way putting down Americans because I am American nor am I trying to discourage adoption. I just think some should not be adopting and I'm amazed a licensed Social Worker would approve the homestudy. Could the large homestudy fee be considered a bribe?

One family was not qualified to adopt in their own country but qualified for international adoption?

Another family had past complaints of child abuse but no charges yet they qualified for international adoption? The same family has yet another approved homestudy and have adopted their own groupa.  I seriously think CPS should of conducted the homestudy.

My least favorite examples of bad families is coming soon.

*Snickering*

Just love the people adopting through RR, especially Ukraine adoptions. They post they will be traveling soon but can't share the country they are adopting from.

And then they post pictures from Kiev. The same pictures of the SDA office, the statues and cathedrals.

Same driver and facilitators in Kiev and meeting up at TGI Fridays.

They have their official meeting at The SDA and get an official referral to meet their child they already preselected from a photolisting.  *preselecting a child and photolisting is against the law in Ukraine*

I wonder if the SDA official is bribed? By the facilitator?

The PAP arrives in the region to visit the child they receive the official referral for.

They are asked not to photograph the kids until after court. And not to photograph other children. And yet they become picture happy and post the pictures online before the court date.

After court and the 10 day wait they gather the paperwork and close the childs bank account. Collect passports health checkup and visas to go home.

My favorite parents *laughing* are the ones who talk about the bad conditions and remain in country during 10 day waiting period but don't visit their new child plus allow the child to remain at the home extra days .

Seriously folks if the place is truly bad and you love this child, what is the excuse for not visiting?

Let me get this right..

People are paying a small application fee to commit to a child on a adoption ministry website? This is paid to commit to a child they are advocating for? Most likely this child is photolisted illegally! No wonder PAP pay out their butts.

The families I really like....to read about

I have come to follow and admire several families adopting from EE. To my dismay some did have public fundraising but paid for the bulk of their adoptions themselves. Some paid fully for earlier adoptions but needed some help for the lasts adoptions. I still feel some regard international adoption as a business and because of this it is corrupt. And it's just not EE but China and every other country that allows international adoption. It has become an industry in areas with alot of poverty, children are sold. But if international adoption wasn't available many of these children would parish without ever being loved.  Children are denied medical procedures because they have special needs.

And before you think Americans would provide the care for all special needs think again. Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 18 are denied care every day, they have an extra chromosome too. Their disabilities are greater but because of a cruel label , "incompatible with life", basic needs are denied unless their parents fight for them. Their parents spend weeks and months searching for medical support who will treat their children.Some  Doctors in our country refuse to treat these kids but we condemn other countries for the same thing? It's a sad reality for special needs all over the world. Our policies and treatments for special needs may be better here but not much better.

One of my least favorite adopting families preselected a child on RR (which is forbidden in the child's country) from a photo. The child has Down Syndrome and asked during the official referral if it was actually DS. The family wasn't interested in adopting a child with Trisomy 13 or 18. I thought the whole point was trying to save a child?  But yet the family was ready to discriminate against an orphan because of a diagnosis?

I will discuss my least favorite adopting families in another post . Back to my favorite families.

Some of my favorite families do blind adoptions meaning they don't know what child they will adopt when beginning the adoption process. Sometimes they find their child during their official referral, not before.  One of my favorite moms wanted a referral for the child in danger of being transferred without seeing the child first. She had prior experience with DS and knew what to expect. She didn't create a fairy tale of a perfect child , because she knew the road ahead would be rocky and uneven at times. She knew about teaching kids with DS and started teaching during the 1st visit. She adopted again a year later, again a blind adoption and a child facing transfer.  She's adopting again, allowing time between each adoption for the children to adjust. By doing this she's able to spend individual time with the kids. It's all about the kids, not her. She sets reasonable goals and celebrates when each milestone is met.  Her expectations are realistic because she didn't go into the adoption clueless.

Kids with down syndrome can do almost everything others can do but at their own pace and in their own way. Set the goals small and celebrate each accomplishment. Encourage growth.

I've enjoyed reading about families adopting older kids, sibling groups and teens. The families have fought for these kids sometimes waiting years for the child to become available for international adoption. And even during the long wait the families keep in contact with the kids through snail mail, e-mail, Skype,  texts and phone calls.

My favorite family I found needed a lot of help bringing their son home. I fell in love with their story. He's a perfect fit for their family.

Behavior

Being an outsider to the adoption world, I should be the last person to offer an opinion about behavior but here goes nothing....

When you visit a child in their groupa or orphanage you are in their environment not yours. They know their boundaries there and what they can get away with. They may approach you with smiles and to see if you brought anything.

Can you imagine being in a place for months or years with no interaction with the outside world except for those who work there ? To live in an orphanage where nothing belongs to you and every second of your day is scheduled.  And then one day strangers come in to see you, offering gifts.  Each day your presented with new treasures and warm smiles. Their visits are frequent and afterwards you return to the only place you have ever known. Regardless of the neglect scenarios created in the PAP mind, you feel safe in the groupa.

One day the child feels safe in their home and feeling happy someone has come to visit just them. The next moment they are taken from the only life they've ever known. No wonder some meltdowns happen not long after gotcha day.

Regardless of what we feel about orphanages and potential neglect, the orphanage feels safe to them because that's all they know. They don't know their life is improving or changing. Even though your met with smiles and hugs each day, it must be terrifying to the kids to be ripped out of their home.

Just a thought....

New Horizon and other hosting programs.

Hosting an adolescent or teenager from EE can be a positive experience for the child and hosting family. The family gets to know the child's personality and vice versa. Hosting a child opens a new world to them, a world they've only seen on TV and a world they've only dreamed of. Aging out of an orphanage can be terrifying especially if they had little contact with the outside world. No job, no home or family to fall back on. The hosting program can be a last chance for the kids, a last chance for a normal life. A last chance to avoid the fate of others aging out of the orphanage. A chance to love and be loved.

The families who decide to host may try to adopt their host children afterwards. These adoptions are the most heartwarming and heart wrenching, I cried when some of the adoptions didn't happen because of their country's disorganization. Families spending months submitting paperwork  just to find out the child who spent weeks in their home wasn't listed for adoption.  But most of the parents didn't give up, they fought for their kids to come home.

Sadly some of the best fights are lost but the family still maintains contact with the child they have come to love. The family doesn't stop caring for the kid if the adoption falls through.

Hosting a child is not like falling in love with a picture on a website or sitting in a room visiting a child for a couple hours a day. The child lives in your home and becomes part of the family. You get to know eachother outside of the institutional setting.  The child learns the rules of the house and is treated like the biological kids in the house.

The parents are heartbroken at the end of the summer when the child they had hosted returns home to their own country. More often counting the days until the child is back home with the family for good.

Waiting for a court date can be excruciating to be able to bring your child back home. There's always a chance the child might change their mind because of pressure from other's in the orphanage about to age out. It's a sad situation when that happens or when biological relatives try to discourage the adoption.

The reality of kids aging out of orphanages is grim. It seems kind of petty to convince a child they would be better off not being adopted.

Liar Liar Part 2

My heart has broke for some families because they got their heart set on a child that was photolisted just to find out the child was never eligible for adoption  in the first place. Why was a Russian toddler photolisted on an Adoption Ministries website illegally? Before the ban on Russian Adoption for American families it was illegal to photolist Russian children on 3rd party International websites such as RR.

The child did have a special need and was a toddler. And since she was below the age of 5 and the severity of the SN was not great she was not available for outside (international) adoption but was photolisted on an American 3rd party website. The perspective adopting family saved and raised money to adopt this child. They committed to the child on the adoption Ministries website. They spent months completing the paperwork ,completely convinced that their daughter would be home soon. They received their travel dates and at their official referrel learned that the child they wanted was not available and had been adopted by a Russian family. The family was presented with some other children and did adopt.

It was a sad situation full of lies and deceit, caused by an agency that's supposed to help. An agency that swears they care. In the long run things did work out for 2 kids and their lives are better.

It's a shame because of situations like this, the abuse and the stories on the news , Americans can no longer adopt Russian children. Thousands of kids are now denied homes and life outside of institutions because of deceitful behaviour.

Lies, Lies and yet more lies.

___________________________

Debating whether or not to end this subject and just approach it later again as the stories unfold..16 post already or just go to 20 entries.
****My next topic is about Physician Assisted Suicide, Dr Philip Niske, Kevorkian and Dignitas. The use of nembutal and should PAS be more readily available?

Liar Liar

As a young child I was taught to always tell the truth . And always felt being honest was a good thing. Sometimes I would do something wrong and would get caught but never lied about it because I felt the punishment might be worse for lying. As an adult working in healthcare being dishonest could cause a patient to die if I didn't report something because it would cause extra work for me. I knew the people who counted on me to be honest . Was lying worth risking their lives? No it wasn't. Did I skip breaks to report their condition and take their vital signs? Yes I did because they mattered. Why don't orphans matter? Why don't those adopting deserve the truth?

Why is the international adoption world so secretive, corrupt and dishonest?  Why are some adopting parents treated like a pariah because they told the truth? My favorite blogger was honest  about her experience and her adoption community shunned her for it.  She was told to change her blog and omit things but she stood her ground. She was attacked by those spouting bible verses on their own blogs for telling the truth. Does honesty not have a place in the adoption community? She was asked to change that she paid a fee to a facilitator . She was told to remove her child's country from the blog. She left things as is.

A facilitator fee is not an official adoption fee in her child' s country, the orphanage does not benefit from the money paid to a facilitator nor does anyone but the facilitator. Hidden money someone collects and if your asked to hide it then something is wrong.

If you're consistently asked to hide things during the adoption most likely you're being lied to about the official costs.  If something doesn't feel right it most likely isn't right.

I've read several of your blogs and seen how some of you were disappointed because some medical issues were purposely left out of your official referral. That some of you felt lied to once you got to talk to talk the Dr at the orphanage. And you wonder why these medical diagnosis was not included on the child's sponsor page or at the official referral.

On the child's  (RR) sponsor page if it says... It appears the child can_________, it looks like this diagnosis________  keep in mind these aren't official diagnosis. This information might of been provided by families visiting another child. If RR had permission to advocate for this child it would say the child has _____________.  And by the way most EE country's do not allow photolisting children on 3rd party sites. I seen a newly listed child today with just a picture and a name, claiming more information later. Most likely hoping a family who's traveling now might see the child and provide the information. Most likely RR does not have permission to advocate for this child. And most likely the child's country does not allow photolisting on a 3rd party site which is what RR is.

I do feel RR is trying to help the forgotten but they should be more transparent themselves to truly help the kids.

Keeping the Heritage

I think my favorite adoption stories are the ones the adoptive parents choose to learn about the child's culture and include it in family celebrations. It shows the child they are important and their life before adoption matters. But it also teaches other family members about culture and about the newest family member. Whether it's preparing a special dish unique to the child's country, including traditions in Holiday celebrations, or getting together with other families who adopted from the same country you did. The families who adopted from Bulgaria get together once a year and celebrate their children's heritage. 
I deeply admire the families who venture away from the tourists area and experience the culture firsthand while they are in their child's country.

Where is the Support now?

Where is the love? In all fairness and honesty I remind all readers I am just an observer to the adoption world. My blog entries are an observation of what I am reading on blogger. The good and the bad experiences. I do support adoption if the parents adopting pay a majority of the costs themselves and not expect most of the adoption to be paid by donations or fundraisers. If you go into an adoption ill-prepared the child you're trying to help suffers. The reality of some special needs kids in some EE countries is grim. If you formally commit to a child and don't have the money to complete the adoption, you have stolen precious time from the child. What if another family comes along and is interested in that child and do have the funds to adopt? What about kids who have met their forever family but yet the kids sit waiting 2 months after adoption?

Orphan no more but yet they wait. They know they have a family but their situation has not changed. Looked at their sponsor page on the website notorious for photolisting children and on the families blogger page. I feel for the kids that their new family did not prepare. The amount needed is close to 10k still, 2 months after the kids became theirs.

Orphan no more yes, but still existing in a world the parents swore to rescue them from.

My faith in the international adoption process is being restored

The last couple of days I have read some blogs of adopting older kids. A lot of people see the cute toddler especially with special needs and know the child might be in danger if transferring to an adult facility. The chance of survival is not good. The same can be said about teenagers aging out of the orphanages. 60% of the girls aging out end up in prostitution and 80% of the boys end up committing crimes. The kids aging out have very little life skills, no job skills. No family ties and unless someone steps forward, no hope. It's a leap of faith to adopt an older child, a pure act of love.
These are kids most would consider too old and are afraid of trying. My hope was restored reading how the adopting families waited and visited these kids sometimes for years. They fought for the kids most considered not adoptable. They loved these kids and didn't give up hope. God bless them.

Who Am I and why Do I care about International Adoption

Hi My Name is Angel and I'm a blogaholic not a troll. I been happily married for almost 22 years to the love of my life. I Have a step-daughter, son-in-law and grandson living in the Tar- Heel state . Ohio is my home and have spent less than 30 days away from it my whole life. I was raised in the Baptist Church and my grandfather was a Wesleyan Minister. I stumbled across an adoption blog one day and became intrigued so I kept reading more and more blogs.
The thing that struck me as peculiar is I read two different blogs of adoptions from the same country and same period of time but different regions. There was over 10k difference in fees paid. I realize adoption can be expensive but over 10,000 difference in fees to adopt in Ukraine?  And the Americans who seem to be paying more to adopt special needs orphans seem to commit to the child they want through an American site.  It is illegal to photolist Ukrainian kids on foreign websites and it is illegal to photolist children on foreign websites from several other EE countries too.  Do I think the illegal photolisting is wrong?

Yes and No. I think a lot more special needs kids would be sent to adult mental institutions if the children weren't photolisted on __________ __________ website. On the other hand if the table was turned and an American SN child was photolisted on a foreign website the ACLU and Child Protective Services would demand the removal of an American Child from the foreign agency's webpage claiming the child was being exploited.  By disregarding a foreign countries laws or policies shows a lack of respect. As Americans we have double standards when it comes to diplomacy and relations to foreign countries.

Is the kids suffering for the photolisting, not really 99% of the time . Because of photolisting were some kids were adopted internationally by people who would not be eligible to adopt domestically? Yes. As a result of prior child abuse but no charges filed a PAP was approved to adopt internationally. Things were left out of the homestudy and a child was beat to death .
My question for today is:......
So after your done with the homestudy ,security checks, paperwork and receive your travel dates to get your official referral from the SDA to visit your child .Do you tell the truth when asked " How did you hear about this particular child?"  Do you tell the SDA official that you seen the child on __________ website, an American website? A website that has illegal photolisting. Does your paid facilitator or translator answer the question for you? 

Fundraising for Adoption

I noticed when a parent commits to a child on a certain website or shows an interest in a particular child ( most likely photolisted illegally) other people associated with the website start a fundraising frenzy. Offering to help raise money etc. (It kind of reminds me of fishermen dumping chum in the ocean to attrack sharks.) Once the adoption is finalized and your home the others  who supported your adoption online disappears, just like sharks will when the chum disappears. And at other times when someone decides to tell the truth  about their experience the feeding frenzy escalates, trying to discredit others and destroy relationships. Even bullying others through email or posting comments anonymously just because someone told the truth. I decided to start this blog to point out what I see as an outsider to the adoption world and not to pick on individual families because most of you mean well.
Although it's your personal choice to adopt only about 20% of you all provide the majority of the adoption cost. Most depend on fundraisers to help with adoption fees but contribute some of their own money. And there's a few that depend on everyone else's money from the get go because they don't have the funds to start the initial paperwork. I ask myself should their home study even been approved? Should they even be adopting?

I was horrified when I read one blog, the PAP commited to a child and had fundraisers to pay for home study, paperwork, passports and initial travel expenses. Once the family had the travel dates and spent time  bonding with the child, they returned home to wait for their court date. During this time they discovered they did not have enough money to complete the adoption. The family contacted the agency and released the child, thus abandoning the child.  And I'm heart broken over the two kids still sitting in the orphanage almost 2 months after the adoption was finalized because she doesn't have the money to pay the agency. If the adopting families were more prepared this would not have happened. It's cruel and irresponsible to go into an adoption unprepared.

Raffles and Fundraising to bring that child home

Over the years I have purchased many fundraising raffle tickets. Including tickets from a local MRDD school to help update a playground, I actually won. From fellow nursing home employees to raise money for Christmas gifts for our residents. We would do anything to brighten the day for our residents on Christ Birthday or any other day of the year. My family bought tickets to help a small rural community build their own firestation and they were able to through fundraising. They held raffles, bean dinners and hog roast. Once they had the funding to build they raised money to purchase equipment. Their efforts took a few years but it was worth it.
Did any of the fundraising benefit my family?...no.. but it did benefit many in our community.
Throughout the years my husband and I have made donations to ...Right To Life, St Jude , Children's Miracle Network, Disabled American veterans, and area food banks. Sometimes our monetary donations were small. But we did give what we could. It is easier to donate when several people benefits, versus one.

Would I ever donate to an adoption fundraiser? No. But I probably would donate to an orphanage to provide the needs for the kids.

In a way I find fundraising for adoptions offensive, unless a small amount is needed. A person just doesn't wake up one day and choose to adopt. The PAP starts to think of adoption and I hope real thought is put into it. How will the Adoption affect you or existing children in the house? Can you afford it? Is the child special needs, are you prepared emotionally or financially for the cost?

The child is more than a picture on a website (which was most likely posted illegally) . The child has needs and the most shocking part only a handful of the PAP were prepared for the special need from prior experience. And the ones prepared spent less time shopping, decorating and filling the child's New room full of fru fru. They research, talk to specialist and school officials. They save money to cover the deductibles their insurance requires for certain procedures. They save and plan. They don't go into the Adoption blind or hoping for the best. They don't fantasize a perfect child from a picture on a website. The PAP who are prepared spend less time fundraising and are discreet if they do need help.

Crowdfunding and Fundraising for adoption

One of the things that bother me the most about " Domestic & International Adoption" is some of the fundraising involved. If you know you're going to adopt  in the next couple years start raising the money now by working OT, get a part time job, don't take vacations, clip coupons or sell belongings. Once you have about 60-80% of the money needed start the process with the paperwork and homestudy. Don't commit to a child until you are 90% funded. In other words don't commit to a picture on a website expecting friends, family and strangers to raise 100% of the adoption cost for you. To me fundraising 10-20% of the adoption is reasonable or applying for adoption grant money to become fully funded. If you need others to raise 100% of the money should you really be adopting? How will you care for the child once the ink dries on the adoption decree?

There is a couple kids sitting in an orphanage  right now still waiting to be picked up almost two months after the adoption was finalized. The parents don't have the 10k to travel and finish paying their agency fees. Most likely the parents did not plan ahead or expected God to speak to others to help pay the costs.

I do believe in God but also feel God helps those who help themselves. There's nothing in this life for free and if you really want something you work for it. God will give you the strength and energy to persevere. Is it unrealistic to not plan for your families future?

If your planning to have a biological child in 2-3 years you start planning & saving money now. Why should an adoption be different?

Is anyone listening out there?

Do I have readers out there? Maybe, according to the stats I do. I didn't intentionally start following adoption blogs but I happened to run across one when I was reading a Trisomy 18 blog. The AP had posted a comment on a blog I followed at the time.  Since then I have read 50+ blogs even going to an adoption site to find more. I heard so many good and bad things about international Adoption. Mostly about the agencies or facilitators not being 100% honest in regards to the children's health . Or the amount being paid to a facilitator, a king's ransom in itself. I read one story during the 10 day wait a couple Adopting mothers wanted to stay together in one apartment instead of two since their husbands have already left . To them it was a good ideal because they wouldn't be alone and they could split the rent thus saving money. Their facilitator said they couldn't do that. It makes me want to think the facilitator is getting part of the rent collected. 

Or PAP taking public transportation or walking instead of having their facilitator call a driver and by doing this they paid just pocket change compared to the cost of a cab which could be quite expensive. Or PAP wanting to take a plane to the region they are adopting from vs a train, a particular Facilitator got hostile towards the PAP. Why does the facilitator try to control the PAP, even threatening Them? And I seen where a PAP took their own translator with them to the orphanage instead of contacting their facilitator to arrange one, again the PAP was threatened. I always thought the point of a SN adoption is trying to help the kids . And thought having a facilitator was to help the Adoption move smoothly. It also seems strange the facilitator ask the PAP for the money to pay the officials before the PAP is brought in and no receipts issued to verify how much it cost! Is the adoptive parent being overcharged purposely? Is the facilitator pocketing the money??

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying all facilitators are corrupt and most AP have pleasant experiences with theirs often requesting the same facilitator again. But there seems to be too much secrecy when the facilitator pays the fees.

Down Syndrome, special needs and International Part 6 photo listing

Posting pictures online to help a child get adopted is like a double edged sword. Even if you handle it correctly you still might get cut. Posting pictures has good and bad points. One of the good things is raising awareness and possibly finding a family for that particular child.

Some of the bad things are committing to a child because of a picture you seen on website & finding out later on child is not available for adoption. And had never been available for adoption. But yet the picture is posted illegally. Can you imagine seeing your  biological child on a website that advocates adoption and you had not relinquished your rights?  How would you feel if you sent your child to an orphanage for an education or to keep them safe and visit the child regularly , just to have strangers condemn you for it? To say the child would be better off with them?
What if you are a child in an orphanage with two of your siblings and a stranger wants to adopt them but not you? Would that make you feel like you're just not good enough especially when the PAP asked  to have your family is broken apart?

This did happen and this adoption angered me. The special needs child was photolisted on a website illegally and during the formal referral the PAP was told of the sibling group. The PAP  did visit the kids and decide they only wanted 2 of the 3 kids. Requesting the judge issue an order of separation, which he did. I was under the impression the purpose of adoption was family.

Photolisting can have long term effects both good and bad especially in countries that prohibit it. Russia has already banned international adoptions because of bad or Abusive AP from the USA. One day some other EE countries might follow Russia's lead or make it harder for international Adoption because of PAP posting pictures after being told not to...it could happen......

Down Syndrome and International Adoption part 5 Photolisting & photographing other children in the orphanage.

There has been a lot of talk about corruption with international adoption and agencies about photo listing children not available for international adoption. Or knowingly listing children from countries that only allows blind referrals.

When you do a blind referral you are not falling in love with a picture on a computer screen as you don't know which child you are adopting until you are in country and given your referrals which is based on a general description you agreed to. Such as gender, the age range and disability. Then and only then are you shown pictures of children your matched to.

Out of over 50 blogs I have read only 2 were blind referrals. They agreed not to disclose personal or identifying information about the child and not to post pictures online until AFTER the adoption. And guess what no information was shared until AFTER the adoption.  They were told not to photograph other children and they didn't . During their visits they focused on the child they came to see  and the adopting families were educated on DS from prior experience. They didn't go into the adoption clueless.

And then there was some families who posted dozens of pictures of other children in the orphanage . I wish the SDA and Judge could of seen/read the blog of one particular adopting mother who purposely exploited other children in the orphanage she was adopting from. The woman was told not to photograph her child until the court date as the child was not legally hers yet and not to photograph other children in the  orphanage. In one picture she lifted a little girls skirt to show a bruise on the upper thigh (around the panty line).  The kids might be orphans but they do deserve dignity.

Her commentary for the orphanage was like an old " feed the children" infomercial regarding the children. I realize that in her little mind she was trying to raise awareness to get help for more of the kids but it could make it more difficult for others adopting in that region.

What are your thoughts in this?

Down Syndrome and International Adoption Part 4

Down Syndrome also known as Trisomy 21 occurs during conception or shortly after. The babies inherit 23 chromosomes from each parent for a total of 46. During development of the cells a genetic hiccup may occur causing an extra copy to be made.  With DS there is three copies of the 21st chromosome, the more cells affected the greater the disabilty. Diagnostic testing such as Ultrasounds and amino can determine if a baby has Trisomy 21.  The sad reality of being born with Down Syndrome in EE is a lot of Physicians won't care for the kids. Before you think most of the EE Doctors are negligent please remember with a lot of government healthcare plans the funds are limited. But I'm sure there's some physicians who feel they are doing harm by interferring or prolonging life.

Even some Doctors and specialists in the United States refuses to go against hospital policy by treating children born with Trisomy 13 and 18. The parents of the babies have to fight with hospitals, specialists and sometimes their insurance companies to get the treatments the child needs to thrive. So the lack of treatment for those born with chromosomal issues is just not an isolated occurance in EE, it happens here too.