Weeks ago I spoke about disparagement. I would like to write about a more personal thing I am seeing quite often. The language spoken and verbal abuse to belittle a friends daughter by her dying step-father angers me but my husband and I sit back , saying nothing. The girl is highly intelligent, she takes advanced math (Trigonometry) and science classes. She's studying to be a crime investigator. She's on the honor roll but she's constantly called a "dumb bitch" and that she is worthless. She just turned 17 and is a good kid. She doesn't date or go anywhere because she's not trusted. I don't think she's suicidal but teens these days kill themselves for less. During the summer months she gets no relief from the verbal attacks or disparagement. At least when she has class she gets away from the insults. The definition of disparage if English isn't your first language.
disparage [dɪˈspærɪdʒ] vb (tr) 1. to speak contemptuously of; belittle 2. to damage the reputation of
We feel so bad for her but she's learned to tune him out. She's become a dear friend to us and she knows that we don't agree with the abuse. I talk with her about her classes and what interests her, without belittling because she needs a friend especially since she doesn't get to be a kid. Her sad reality is she's spent every minute of the summer without face-to-face interaction with other people her age. Sure she texts and has Facebook but it is not the same.
When I was her age I got to be a kid. My stepmother encouraged me to get out of the house on weekends. I spent the summer at the pool, went to the movies , roller skating, fishing, camping, amusement parks and got to go places such as festivals, dances and slumber parties. During school I went to state competition that lasted 2-3 days, so I stayed in motels. Chaperoned of course. They trusted me and I didn't give them a reason not to. She was given an opportunity to compete in State Competition to demonstrate criminal profiling and she wasn't allowed to go because it was for the weekend. There would of been 1 chaperone per 3 students. I spoke up for her but it didn't do no good. He said no. I tried because her childhood is being stolen.
All the little things I got to do created good memories to look back on. I have my scrapbook pictures and awards. Her high school year memory will be sitting in her room, alone and being called stupid. My husband and I praise her for her accomplishments because nobody else does. The reason why we don't speak up is because if we do she might lose the the only positive interaction she does get. The mother tunes him out but sometimes she is so miserable she cries. Her situation is not much better. The mother is his wife and caregiver so other than a quick 10 minute trip to the store or a shower she's with him 24/7. He's in the final stage of cancer, so he can't be alone.
Again I'm her relief from the barrage of abuse also. He's starting to make remarks to my husband and myself. Apparently those closer to him can be abused and we say nothing. If we speak up these two special people may become more isolated. Coming to our house is a change of scenery for a few hours.
I worry also once he's gone that she will try to quickly make up for all she's missed and ruin her future. Or the mom won't tell her no. Time will tell.
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