What defines a Family?

Webster's dictionary defines family as ....

A group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : HOUSEHOLD 2 a : a group of persons of ancestry : CLAN b : a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : RACE 3 a : a group of people united by certain convictions or a common : FELLOWSHIP b : the staff of a high official (as the President) 4 : a group of things related by common characteristics: as a : a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds b : a group of soils with similar chemical and physical properties (as texture, pH, and mineral content) that comprise a category ranking above the series and below the subgroup in soil c : a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language 5 a : the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children ; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family .

Growing up in the 70s and 80s our family and friends had a traditional family structure. A mom, a dad and kids. Families today can consist of married and unmarried couples, straight or gay, single parents or kids being raised by other family members or friends.

The time and money spent to conceive or to have a child can be surreal for some families while others can get pregnant without trying. It's so unfair what some families go through to have a child. For example I know a drug addict who has three children by three different men and isn't raising any of them. Most likely she will be able to conceive again by having "unprotected sex" and her mom will be raising that child too.

It seems so unfair a crack head can continue to conceive but loving couples in stable marriages and long term commitments ( straight or gay) have to go through adoption, medical intervention, IVF or surrogacy to have a child. I'm all for same sex couples having and parenting children, whether It's through IVF, adoption or surrogacy.

The process some go through is like a carousel, full of ups and downs. Gay men have it harder than lesbians because they don't have ovaries to produce the eggs or a uterus to carry the child. But regardless of the relationship the wait can be excruciating and often heartbreaking. Now the heartbreak is worse since it's harder for same sex  married couples to get the Medical Visas to leave with their children. Exit Visas for IP are no longer available to single or same sex married couples. Exit Visas are only issued to heterosexual couples who've been married at least 2 years. These changes started this year in India. I also heard some countries don't recognize surrogacy so people living in those countries are ineligible to have children born using a surrogate.

The worst part of the change in the law is people who would make great parents are being discriminated against and excluded. Using SURROGATES is a way for married couples whether they are straight or gay and single parents to have biological children if using IVF isn't an option.

Using a surrogate in the United States or other countries that recognize surrogacy is still an option but the cost is considerably more than what's paid to 'rent a womb" in India.

There's no guarantee of the surrogate becoming pregnant on the first try . More often than not it's wait, hope and see. Followed by more waiting. Sometimes it takes multiple cycles to get pregnant and carry a child to term. Sometimes 4-5 blastocytes (embryos) are surgically implanted in the surrogate to improve the chances of impregnating the surrogate . Selected reduction is preformed if pregnancy occured and more than 2 sacs are present. It is unethical to expect a surrogate to carry more than two fetuses.

Ethics is a major dilemma for commercial surrogacy.

I can understand the legislation needs regulated to prevent exploitation of the surrogate mothers but at the same time the women do this willingly to benefit their own family.  The money they make for carrying one child benefits their own children.

I just hope further regulation will include allowing loving same sex couples to continue to have kids using surrogates .These children are cherished and very much wanted.