Maya Angelou, the author of "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings" , discussed identity in the book. As a young adult Maya's employer purposely called her Mary, instead of using Maya's given name which is Marguerite.
Billie Letts had discussion questions in the back of her book, Where The Heart Is, explaining how people with authority would often times call the uneducated or poor by different names. It is a way to strip the identity away from someone as a show of power.
Hitler and the Third Reich, stripped millions of their name as a way to dehumanize. Often the victims of the Reich were referred to as a number or a derogatory name.
Prisoners in the United States are assigned a number upon admission into prison. During cell checks, work assignments and head count the prisoner is referred to as that number.
The reason why I'm bringing this up is I'm currently watching "La Bamba" , about the singer Ritchie Valens. His birth name was Richard Valenzuela. His manager changed his name so it sounded less Hispanic, Valenzuela was Mexican- American, but if you only heard him on the radio without seeing him, you would never know that. Tina Turner was another entertainer stripped of her name. Her birth name is Anna Mae Bullock, Ike changed her name. Anna and Richie's names were changed without their consent or because of the suggestions of others.
A lot of entertainers change their names but the whole point of this blog entry is about adoption and name change. I applaud the adopting families that keep the child's birth name. Or keep part of the name without completely stripping the child of their identity. Some adopting families keep the child's birth name but changes the spelling making it more American. For instance Anastasia might become Anna. Or Natalia might become Natalie etc...
Some families who adopted older children allowed the child to choose a new name or keep the name. Many kept the name they've had since birth. Very few teenagers chose a new first and middle name.
There's many adopting families that assume since the child is getting a whole new life it's okay to give the child a whole new name. Can you imagine living in an institution or orphanage all your life to have strangers come in and turn your world upside down? Sure the child's life is improving for the better because of adoption but at the same time It's traumatic. The child is being ripped out of the only home they've ever known. It might be the biggest shithole in the world but it's home. They are taken away from familiar faces and routine, there's comfort in the familiar. There's safety in the familiar. The child's name is their only possession in the orphanage, Groupa or institution. Even the clothing and shoes they wear does not belong to them. The toys they play with don't belong to them.
If a special needs child is below the age of 2 the name change might not be as traumatic as it would be a 5 year old. Can you imagine being 5 & your called Alexei everyday but suddenly strangers start calling you Steven? Besides being taken away from the familiar the child is expected to respond to a new name. This would even be traumatic for any child whether if they had a special need or not.
This was just another random thought about adoption.
** The names I used as an example does not refer to any particular child, family or adoption.**
Thanks for commenting on my blog. I came to find out who you were, and was scrolling through posts when I saw this one, and decided since we've done this three times, I'd chime in.
ReplyDeleteWhen a child comes from a background of significant trauma (as all three of my adopted kids have) their birth names have nothing but negative memories associated with them. All three of my kids suffered significant abuses, both sexual and physical. We can only imagine the memories they have of someone saying, "John, come here....." and what horrors followed after. In my other son's facility, the caregivers hated him. They admitted they didn't like him and they were anxious for him to be out of there so they didn't have to deal with him anymore. His birth name was always said in an angry tone and often came with slaps and pinches. In my other son's case, he was completely ignored. The only time he heard his name was when they came to give him more phenobarb to keep him sedated. When we have adopted our children, their NEW names are *immediately* associated with positive things. Hugs. Food. Affection. Care. Trust. For us there is more to the decision as well. One son had a name that nobody here in the US is able to pronounce. WE can't even pronounce it and we had weeks of practice before we even traveled for the adoption (only to find when we got there we weren't even close to the correct pronunciation!) . For a kid with a cognitive disability, I can't send him into a school with an unpronounceable name for English speaking people. A typical kid would know, "Oh they just called my name. They butchered it, but thats me they're calling." No, my kids wouldn't have a clue that mispronounced name was meant for them. Their names needed to be pronounceable by both us, their new parents, as well as their siblings and teachers. The last thing we took into consideration (because we debated with every single one about keeping their name) was the meanings associated with their names. Were they family names (such as biological grandparent, etc.) etc. In the case of two of our sons, their names were given to them by a social worker who never saw him again until the day of our adoptions 10 years later.
Leah, Reading your blog has given me hope about international adoption. When I first started learning about IA so many families were disrespectful to Groupas and continuously break the rules. I fear one day some countries will close their borders to IA because of this attitude of so many families. One day I happened to stumble across your blog and Asher's sweet face.
DeleteI worked with older adults with disabilities after the reform of institutions in the United States. Before the reform individuals with intellectual disabilities such as Down Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, M.R. and Epilepsy were warehoused in State Institutions. Since all was most likely abandoned at birth, Social Workers or Hospital staff named them.
Communication does play a big part in the names. Your boys are very lucky you found them and gave them a real home.
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